The Attic Hydria
by irismoon
Summary: Someone is killing prostitutes in Los Angeles County, forcing JJ to face herself and her past. CM/HG
1. Chapter 1

_My first new story in something like 5 years. I have been inspired by all the great Criminal Minds/Higher Ground crossovers that have sprung up as of late. This story will be a combination of casefile and an exploration of JJ's past. I have the whole thing more or less plotted out so it should be finished (at some point)._

_Hope everyone likes it, please read & review._

The Attic Hydria

Her breathe came in short, erratic spurts as her pursuer closed in behind her. She had been running down the dark and industrial streets of the Santa Monica waterfront for what seemed like forever. At times she thought that she managed to lose her attacker but she just kept running.

This was supposed to be just like every other night, turn a trick, score an 8-ball, rinse and repeat. But from the moment she got into his dingy Honda she knew that something was terribly wrong.

He had turned to her, brushing hair from her face, and whispered some unintelligible word into her ear. Then swiftly grasping her head he thrust her forehead into the dashboard. Blood pounded in her ears and dripped down her forehead, but she still managed to open the door and run. That all she had been doing for the past 30 minutes was blindly run between alleyways and darkened storefronts trying to escape, but as she rounded the corner and stared into his cold, dead eyes and the knife clutched in his hand she knew it was over.

As he viciously stabbed her and her gaze shifted to something beyond his keen her assailant smiled and said;

"No more shall Elpinike have improper relations with Polygnotus the painter."

And with that he began to carve into her flesh the word that would become his calling card;

'HETAIRA

Jennifer Jareau knew the moment the fax machine in her office began to beep that her day was going to get infinitely longer. She had already waded through a stack of cases whose geography spanned from Rhode Island to New Mexico and had a small pile of possible cases for the team. The potentials ranged from a strip-strangler to one sick mind who cut out his victims livers and left them on glass serving dishes for the police to find. But nothing came close to the horror JJ experienced when she looked at the file coming through her fax line.

The girl could have been anyone, long peroxide blonde hair and too much make up, but it was the writing on her body that made JJ take a second glance. The characters were foreign; she hazarded a guess that they were Greek and chalked up that guess from watching too much discovery channel. The malice was evident by how deep the cuts were but it was the position of them on the abdomen of the corpse that made JJ reconsider what she originally thought to be a garden variety psycho who the local police could handle. That and the fact that there had already been 6 known victims all with the same markings carved into their skin.

She paused for a moment, wrinkling her brow and sweeping her long blonde hair into a ponytail, could she handle this case? It cut a little too close to home for her.

'My past is my past, no one has to know. Just because I could have ended up like one of these girls is no reason not to try and stop this psychopath.' She thought, repressing a shudder at what could have happened if Mount Horizon and Peter Scarborough hadn't entered her life.

But that was long ago and she had long since decided that she was no longer Shelby Merrick. Jennifer Jareau had never been molested or lived on the streets. JJ was calm, collected and carefree without the scarred past that would mark her as a victim to the world, and more importantly, to the team.

Taking a deep breath and collecting her thoughts JJ made a power point presentation of the files pictures, geographic location, and relevant details. Six victims, all between the ages of 15 and 18, runaways, drug addicts and prostituting themselves to feed their habits. All had turned up dead with little forensic evidence on them except for the inscription on their lower abdomens. The bodies had been turning up in desolate areas of an industrial wasteland in Los Angeles County in Southern California. The bodies had only been dead 10-12 hours before discovery but the killer had taken his time with his carvings, making each letter distinct.

The local police were in a quandary because only with the sixth victim had all the cases been put into a pattern. Before the latest girl the others had been found, autopsied and investigated by separate jurisdictions only the tenacity of a few detectives had linked the cases, despite the unusual mutilation of the bodies. Now it was up to JJ and the rest of the BAU team to solve these brutal homicides and bring the murderer to justice. Saving it to her laptop she walked into the bull pen announcing to the team that they had a new case.

Agents Hotchner, Rossi, Morgan, Prentiss and Reid gathered around the table waiting for JJ to explain what monster they were going to catch this week. Turning the lights down she began her presentation not knowing the turmoil it would throw her life into, breaking down all the walls she had spent years building.

The quote is from an original source documents by Plutarch about **Elpinike the sister of **Cimon**. Plutarch, Cim. 4.5**


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks for the kind reviews __DeviousRobynno__, __IheartTV 'tv-luvin-hottie'__, __ElisaCollette__, and __egoofy34__. Hope fully everyone likes this next chapter._

The Attic Hydria: Chapter Two

As the BAU team got onto their jet JJ seemed unusually quiet. On past cases she was always the first person to break out the gin rummy and tease Reid about his mismatched socks but tonight she was in a somber mood. Her teammates chalked it up to general pre-case jitters but JJ knew it was more than that.

How could she begin to help investigate this crime and deal with the barrage of press when she could see herself in the victims? During most cases even though she was the right age and gender as the victims she could disassociate from them and become the detached liaison that the team needed; this was going to be more difficult this time.

'I can do this,' she thought running her hands through her hair and sighing 'I've put everything behind me – I am Jennifer Jareau competent and detached investigator'.

Laying her head down on the hard airplane headrest she once again cursed that, unlike Emily, she hadn't thought ahead and brought a pillow since she had been so distracted by the particulars of this case. A few hours later as the plane cruised into the private airstrip where they were due to meet the local PD JJ had her game face on and was prepared to begin the arduous meet and greet that preceded all BAU investigations.

"Detective Martin Jacobs," said the tall man waiting for the team at the end of the runway. He was relatively tall and in his youth JJ could tell that he had been an imposing man but now she could see that he had the slightly paunchy look of a man whose muscles had given way to fat and the lure of Krispy Kreams.

"Agent Jennifer Jareau; these are SSA Hotchner, and agents Rossi, Prentiss, Morgan and Dr. Reid." She replied shaking his hand firmly.

"Thanks for coming all the way here … to be honest we're at a stand still. No one put these homicides together until last week." Detective Jacobs lead them over to a fleet of black SUV's that the bureau's southern California branch office had placed at their disposal for the cases duration.

"How many total victims have you identified?" Hotch asked climbing into the car behind Prentiss and Jacobs.

"Six officially and two probables. One girl we found filed a complaint that a few years back she picked up a trick who told her to undress and then held her at knife point. He managed to carve one symbol in her stomach before she kicked him in groin and ran off."

Hotch replied; "ahh, his first victim then. He was unpracticed and hadn't mastered the art of controlling his victims and his surroundings. Classic initial abduction by a first time offender."

"Yeah, there is usually an initial attack which is unsuccessful for these types of sadist-sexual killers which they then use to perfect their techniques. After the first it is doubtful that any other victims have survived." Prentiss said massaging her temple, she could feel a headache coming on and wanted to get out of the hot car and into a more air-conditioning friendly location – although the bureau had provided cars the one they were in was not in complete working order.

Pulling into the police stations lot the team walked into the lobby and was directed to a conference room that had been kitted out as their temporary command centre. Pinned to several large cork boards were pictures of the six known mutilated bodies and relevant details of their lives as well as a large map with coloured dots showing the places their corpses had been located. Morgan was delighted that, for once, the team had a full satellite and internet connection to Garcia at Quantico. He could contact his baby girl face to face.

JJ looked around at the surroundings and felt confident that they could catch this monster in no time. Reid was already working on a geographic profile and Emily was examining the word found on each girls abdomen. Turning to the team Emily began to explain the significance of the symbols.

"This is definitely ancient greek," she said gesturing to the carving, "it spells the word Hetaira which means companion but in more vernacular a translation it can mean prostitute. In ancient Greece prostitution was more or less accepted but only for slaves and foreigners. Any citizen woman found to be selling herself faced harsh consequences that ranged from a simple rebuke to banishment or ostracism."

"Impressive Emily," Reid said

"What, I like to watch Age of Empires as much as the next person." Emily replied "Plus I took ancient Greek as an elective at University … all good literature has to be read in its original language."

JJ laughed surprised and heartened that Emily seemed as enthralled with Discovery as she was. But her brief moment of joy was tempered by the worry she had about the underlying meaning behind the carving.

"So the unsub is killing young prostitutes and carving a 2000 year old term for hooker into their abdomens? This is one sick guy."

She glanced at the wall of photos and for a moment, just a moment, saw her own face and that of her dead best friend on the faces of the dead girls. Repressing a shudder she glanced towards Morgan as he began to speak.

"This guy has got to be well educated at least two years of university. An unsub with just High School would not know ancient Greek. Plus this guy is meticulous and plans these attacks, he probably stalks the girls for a couple days, lets them turn a few with him and then when they just begin to trust him that's when he goes for it and kills them." Morgan said banging his fist on the table in a stabbing motion.

Hotch got up and walked to the front of the room addressing both the team and Detective Jacobs;

"I think it's time to go to the locations where the bodies were found, see if we can gleam any information from there to add to the profile. Rossi Prentiss you're with me. Reid, JJ – go talk to the girls' families see what kind of environments they came from and add to the victomology, it may help us figure out what kind of girl this unsub is after and narrow down some personality traits. Morgan get Garcia on the line – try and pin point any suspects in this area. Pull up any files concerning sex offenders and recent parolees in the area with any education above high school. Let's move out."

As JJ got up to meet Reid by the car to go to the house of the first homicide, Mary Roberts, she couldn't help but hope that there would be no similarities between her own messed up life and that of the girls who had fallen prey to the unsub.

As she and Reid drove through the bright California sunshine and pulled into the driveway of a modest bungalow JJ almost retched at how similar it was to house she had grown up in and runaway from. From the simple front yard cluttered with odds and ends and gnomes to the faint smell of cigarette smoke and neglect that she could almost sense emanating from the abode she took a deep breath and willed away all traces of her former life. Squaring her shoulders and knocking on the door she and Reid waited.

The dishwater blonde who answered the door could have been her own mother. Tired and disheveled from working too many shifts at a low income job and with a tense and scared look in her eyes she warily opened the screen door.

"Can I help you folks?" she asked.

JJ and Reid took out their badges, "FBI ma'am. We've come to ask you about your daughter Mary. We are here investigating her homicide, so sorry for your loss." JJ said placing her badge back in its holster.

"I lost my daughter to drugs and the street a long time ago, but I guess you can come in. What do you want to know?"

Sitting on a threadbare couch Reid picked at his cuffs ad raked a hand through his hair. Clearing his throat he asked Mrs. Roberts how Mary came to be living on the streets and prostituting.

"I suppose it all started when she was 10. You see my boyfriend at the time, lousy bastard, molested her … though I didn't know 'til five years later when she came home drunk after a night of carousing and exploded on me. Blamed me for it, said that I had known what he was doing and should've stopped him. Mary stormed out and that was the last time I saw her." A single tear rolled down her face and she swiftly wiped it away, "nothing I could've done but I wished she'd told me sooner because I would've kicked him out all that quicker."

JJ trembled and stared into the distance. She knew she should not have accepted this case, but how could she have let her own past, however secret, interfere with the team taking down a dangerous criminal? As she sat in that dusty sad living room her own mind flashed back to the night she had confronted her own mother about the monster she had been nursing back to health, the night she called the cops on Walt.

'_You knew mom, how could you not know!? He came into my room every night! Do you want to know where he touched me?"_

"_Shut up! You're a liar Shelby, how can you say this about your stepfather?!"_

"_Because it's true. Come on Jess let's go."_

_JJ remembered the blue and red lights of the police cars as they pulled into her driveway and the final resigned look in her mothers eyes as she clutched at Jess and screamed that she knew what had been happening. And she turned to her sister and saying: "Remember this. Remember everything."_

But the truth was all she wanted to do now was forget and it was last thing she could do as the façade she had created for the last seven years began to crumble. Externally she was still Jennifer Jareau and Reid had no idea the turmoil in her mind because internally Shelby Merrick was forced to reemerge and in doing so JJ would have to confront her own demons.

Reid glanced over at his colleague as they walked back to the car after discussing the sad case of Mary Roberts' last moments with her mother. JJ was quiet and withdrawn and Reid pushed away any niggling worries he had and figured that it was just the macabre nature of the case that was getting to her.

As their car pulled away from the small house JJ sighed and looked out the window thinking,

"When it rains it fucking pours." And for the first time in years she craved a cigarette.


	3. Chapter 3

The Attic Hydria: Chapter 3

The Attic Hydria: Chapter 3

JJ and Reid walked back into the local police department looking haggard. It had been a another grueling day of interviews with parents whose reactions to news that their daughters had been killed by a serial killer ranged from ambivalence to outright malice that the two investigators had dared to utter the name of their biggest failure whom they were trying to forget.

For JJ after the first interview with Mary Roberts' mother she had zoned out and let Reid do most of the talking. It had become too much like she was conversing with her own mother.

"Any news Hotch?" JJ asked.

"Nothing. All we know is that this unsub looks normal, acts normal and then during the course of his liaison with the girls he gets triggered and kills them." Hotch replied running his hands through his hair.

JJ sighed, "Same with Reid and I. All the families say the same thing; the girls got into drugs, were abused, ran away and after that it's like they ceased to exist to their families. I don't think they are going to be much help in the investigation."

JJ sat down and drank from her water bottle. She was upset that they hadn't managed to learn anything useful but at the same time happy that she wouldn't have to pretend that she listening to the emotionless responses of the victim's families any longer. Prentiss, Rossi and Morgan walked into the conference room looking just a dejected. Despite canvassing the crime scenes and their environs the trio had not been able to pull up any solid leads.

"All we got from the other girls' at the locations who were willing to talk to us was that the had seen a white male, mid to late 20s with brown hair in a small compact drive by a couple times and then pick up a girl. We managed to find friends of two of the victims who corroborated this very vague sketch." Prentiss related as she sat down next to JJ.

"Great, so really we have nothing … we need more bodies and more witnesses." JJ gruffly said.

Emily looked at her colleague in surprise; this was not like JJ to be so beaten down by a crime and particularly to express her anger so publicly. JJ put her head in her hands and pulled her hair into a ponytail.

"I think I'm going to head back to the hotel. All the driving got to me today; I'm really not feeling up to more fruitless interviews. Plus I need to write a statement for the press stating that we know next to nothing, excuse me." JJ got up from the table and walked towards the exit.

"I'll go with you." Emily hurriedly replied grabbing the keys from JJ's hand. "Trolling through an industrial wasteland and talking to pimps was not exactly a good day for me either."

The two women left the building and climbed into the waiting SUV leaving the rest of the team and try and come up with a geographical profile, or something that could be used to try and narrow down any suspects they might encounter.

Reid stood up beside the large map of Los Angeles County affixed to the white board and began his analyses;

"Los Angeles County has a total population of 10,363,850 of which 29.2 are white. There are 88 citites within its borders and Santa Monica is completely surronded by the city of Los Angeles. It's population is roughly 85 000 and it also is one of the most educated cities in America with over 10 post secondary instituions located within a 15 mile radius. SO logcally the unsub must be living and workng with this 15 miles radius as evident by his uses of Ancient greek and the normalcy of his apperance and demeanor."

Morgan took up this line of inquiry and continued; "Above average intelligence, some university education, white male, unassuming and seemingly innocuous to the general public. He's someone who the girls would not be fraiud of getting into a car with. But possibly he came off as stand offish and a bit strange to them, lacking any verbal interplay like the usual customer. At the same time this level of mutilation suggests a repressed rage at women – possibly he keeps getting passed over for promotions in lieu of his female colleagues. We are definitely looking at an sub within whom rage and sex are intermixed. He might have priors for domestic abuse."

Hotch dutifully wrote their assessment on the white board, circling any identifying satistics like education and the propsed zone of living-working-killing that Morgan and Reid had come up with.

"That's good, it's enough to begin to put together a preliminary profile. Tommorow we're going to try and talk to the first surviving victim and canvas the neighborhoods again, someone has to have seen this guy and been put off by him." Hotch rested his hands on the table and looked at three men in front of him , "This unsub is not going to stop, we are just going to keep finding bodies until we catch him."

With that the four BAU agents made their preliminary research known to the lead detective and went back the hotel to get some sleep before their long day tommorow.

A few hours later under the dark light of the moon another girl was about to discover the horror stalking the less savoury neighborhoods of eastern LA county.

Walking down the strip of lighted sidewalk between two shuttered warehouses she and several other companions for hire waited for the inevitable. As the maroon honda slowed to a stop infront of a blonde wearing skin tight jeans and a pink tank top they knew it was the start of a night like any other.

"Looking for a good time?" She asked the man driving. He looked at her from hooded eyes and nodded opening the passanger side door.

Just a brief time later he was gazing into her eyes as he plunged his antique blade into her torso, already her eyes began to glaze over in death and her blood had begun to pool and congeal at his feet. He laid her out and placed two coins on her eylids and began to carve into her stomach carefully etching out the archaic charcters.

Moments later with his work done he stripped off his gloves and put them along with the knife into a bag in his trunk. With one last look at hs handi-work he quietly got into his car and rove off into the night shivering from the excitement thinking, 'muuch more thrilling than kottobos.'

The next morning JJ awoke in her hotel room feeling relatively better. She had gotten a , more or less, sound nights sleep and was currently drinking her morning cup of coffee and munching on a bagel. Walking to the car she waved at Emily to get in beside her and the two women drove in companiable silence to the police station. Exiting the car JJ smiled at Emily and reassured her that she was fine.

Entering the conference room the two women were greeted with downtrodden expressions and a new file sitting on the table.

"There's been another murder," Hotch said addressing the whole room with the BAU agents in front and members of the squad assigned to this case stading around the perimetre.

Rossi got up and took the floor putting several new, and gruesome, photos onto the already cluttered macbre board.

"Last night another 16 year old prostitute was murdered by the unsub, she was taken to a remote location, stabbed and then mutilated. As you can see she has the same word carved into her abdomen as the other victims."

"What can we do to stop this sick fuck?!" One detective angrily replied.

"Just what you're doing now," Rossi responded. "Patrols are being stepped up in and around Pico and it's surrounding more industrial environs. This morning JJ is going to speak to the press and release a preliminary profile and give a warning to anyone working the streets about the highly dangerous unsub. Just keep an eye out for any suspicious activity – someone dumping a large amount of clothing, any reports of injuries consistant with the victim fighting back."

JJ got up and began putting her press release into more succient terms together with Hotch and Rossi went out to meet with the crush of press assembled in front of the precinct. Bringing to bear her most professional front JJ took a breath and reiterated to the waiting hordes what the Bau had discovered and gave the generalised profile about a white, mid to late 20s, educated man in a small compact car with some socially inept qualities. It was vague but hopefully given some more time the BAU could enhance it and gain some more forensic evidence to pinpoint the unsub.

Walking back into the precinct the team were called over by Detective Martin.

"He's left us a note." The detective said handing Hotch a sealed evidence back with a piece of paper in it.

"More Greek. Do you know what it says yet?

"No idea, but we're bringing in a translator from UCLA: Los Angeles. She's a Classics Phd student and should be here in about 20 minutes. Hopefully she'll be able to shed some light on it. Oh, and your interviewee is in interrogation room 2."

Hotch motioned for JJ to come with him to the interrogation room and Rossi went back ti wait with the others for the translator. Walking into the room JJ noticed just how similar the girl was to herself at that age. Defiant, icy mask on her otherwise pretty and youthful features with a harsh attitude to match. Sitting down JJ noticed that had the same devil may care posture and gaurded look in her eyes that she had had before Horizon, before Peter and Sophie had saved her life.

"Erica we just want to ask you some questions about the man who attacked you." Hotch told the petite blonde sitting across from them.

"I don't know fuck and I don't care." She replied glaring at him. "You wanna see my scars?" She asked lifitng up her black top to expose to crude eta and epsilon shallowly carved there along with various wounds from a knife that scarred her upper body.

JJ took a deep breath and for a brief moment flashed back to her and Patty on the street smiling coyly at passing drivers hoping to make enough cash for an in-and-out burger and an eight ball. Getting a grip on her memories she smiled at Erica reassuringly.

"Do you remember the john that did this to you? Was he known to be a bad trick in SaMo?"

Hotch looked quickly at JJ wondering how she seemed so versed in not only the language of prostitutes but in the vernacular of Santa Monica in particular. Pushing niggling doubts away he chalked it up to JJ, as usual, doing very through research.

"No, he seemed pretty normal just a regular trick to get my automatic you know?" Erica replied.

Hotch looked at JJ at the unknown term, "automatic is her drug fix that the pimp will give after the job." She quietly responded as Erica continued speaking.

"Me and my friend Karen we hung together and tried to watch out for each other, but she OD'd a few nights before this and I just wanted some coke to get my mind off of it. I usually wouldn't accept a car date but I really needed the money so I got in. It was a late 90s red car, samllish and smelled pretty new – like he cleaned it a lot. My date had dark thick hair – like McDreamy ya'know, and looked respectable and whatever. But I guess you can see he wasn't."

JJ had a hard time focusing on the interview, this could have been her carved up or dead. But unlike Erica after Patty OD'd JJ had run out of money and drugs and gone to see her father in LA and unlike most of the parents of the unsub's victims he had cared enough to send her to Horizon. Thinking back to her days on the street JJ was happy that she atleast had never had a pimp, it was just her and Patty against the world to score some money for drugs or food, when legitimate work didn't pan out, and never have to go back to where they had come from.

"How did you manage to get away?" Hotch asked Erica quickly7 glancing at JJ who shoke her head and focused on his question and the victims answer.

"I kicked him in the nuts … and in the head. I was wearing my spiky shoes and nailed him pretty good. I was in a pretty bad way but I managed to get out and run like hell to my Daddy. When he came to show the guy what was up the sick fucker had already lft."

"Daddy? As in your real father?" Hotch looked at her surprised.

"No, my pimp. After that I decided I had to get out of the life. So I went Children's Aid and found a rehab program for former pros. I'm clean now but as you can see I still have the reminder of that day. But I guess it keeps me on the straight and narrow knowing what could have happened."

JJ knew it did to her, the day Patty died she realises that despite everything Walt had done to her she couldn't keep living this way and needed help. Even Shelby at her lowest ebb didn't want to die.

Hotch thanked Erica for her help and added her first hahnd account to what they knew about the unsub. Watching JJ as they left the room he wondered about her reactions in there. She had been as unsurprised and vacant as the girl about her experiences. He expected her to be more upset or disgusted at the matter-of-fact resposes but she was quite composed. He made a note to watch out for her and any signs of a breakdown, he knew that seeing all the cases they didn't take was wearing on JJ.

They walked into the conference room and were met by a tall brunette wo introduced herself as Laura Hazelton a grad student in Classics at UCLA's Los Angeles campus. As shye began to explain the syntax and meaning of the note all the BAU felt their blood run cold this was no ordinary un sub and he knew that they were there. Written in a precise and neat hand in blue ink on an assuming piece of white parchment was a stanza from a book of law by Athenaeus:

_There isn't a bit of prudishness or nonsense, nor does she snatch herself away; but straight to it, as you wish and in whatever way you wish. You come out; you can tell her to go hang, she is nothing to you._

"I translated this delightful excerpt and it's from Athenaeus' book The Deipnosophists, Book XIII: Concerning Women, it is a book that combines legal codices with humorous anecdotes. I would say that not only does your suspect have a very strong grasp of Ancient Greek but he also alludes that he knows the police are investigating him and he doesn't care because he doesn't consider these women to be even human. He's placing them in the class of pornai – these are the lowest class of Athenian prostitutes. The fact that he carves HETAIRAI elevates them to a higher class of prostitues." Laura explained handing her translation and the original document back to Morgan and leaving asking the group to call her if they need any more help translating or contextualizing the unsub and his use of Ancient Greek.

"Maybe he thinks of all prostitues as whores but these ones he picks in particular because they remind of someone he cannot have. She is elevated above the other owrking girls and is better then them but is still evil enough that he feels compelled to kill her." Reid replied.

JJ looked at the photo array on the board and it struck her that they were all one type; blonde, blue eyed with delicate features and an atheltic build. Despite their dyed and tattooed features she could see their similarities. They could have been anyones daughter, soccer captain or babysitter. They could have been her.

Sighing and relating her brilliant deductive work about his typical victim to the group, omitting of course her personal connection, she wondered for the ten thousandth time why she had taken a case that was cutting her as deeply as the unsub cut his victims.

All her years of building a persona to cover Shelby and becoming Jennifer Jareau was disintegrating and she was reminded of a conversation she and Daisy had had before she spilled her secret to the group during that hideous camping trip:

'_You're wearing a mask.'  
__**'**__That's a good one, coming from Goth girl.'  
__**'**__My mask was an honest one for all the world to see. Yours is invisible.'  
__**'**__You are so way creepy.'  
__**'**__You're hiding something. And it's taking your energy, using it up; there's less and less left. Soon there'll be none.'_


	4. Chapter 4

_Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and especially Iridg who pushed me to write this next bit. I hope you all like it!_

The Attic Hydria: Chapter Four

As two days passed JJ felt the team, and the investigation, losing steam. Despite the cryptic clue left at the last crime scene the BAU was no closer to finding the unsub and everyone knew another victim would soon appear.

She woke up in her hotel room and got up to do her morning routine. Showering and dressing before applying carefully professional make-up to mask the lack of sleep she had received the night before. Climbing into the SUV with Hotch and driving over to the precinct she kept thinking about what the victims last moments would have been like. The look in their eyes as they realized that this was going to be the trick that they never came back from, that their demise was all this particular john had in mind.

Did they think about their families? How or if their loved ones would react upon hearing news of their death?

It was a sobering thought for JJ – one that had gone through her mind many times since the start of this case. As they walked into the conference room she hoped against hope that today would be the day that this horrific killer would be caught.

"Any news guys?" She inquired sitting down and sipping a fresh cup of coffee.

"We may have a lead," Prentiss replied, "One of the friends of the last victim may have seen a better glimpse of the unsub. On his car she described a crest on the back windshield. To her it looked like an open book with a star above it and a ribbon with lettering across it. She thought the ribbon definitely had the word 'light' written on it."

"Why didn't she come forward earlier?" Morgan asked his voice picking up with excitement at the teams first concrete lead.

"She didn't want to be prosecuted for prostitution or a myriad of drug offences she had racked up on the street. But with this evidence if it leads to a solid suspect the police are willing to overlook some of the more major offences." The detective answered.

Reid picked up his laser pointer and gestured to a group of images being projected on the screen. "The best guess at this point is that the crest belongs to UCLA with the best campus location being Los Angeles. Going off of the profile we already generated that gives a possible suspect pool of just over 11,000 people but the advanced language skills reduces that number significantly."

"How significantly Reid?"

Reid brushed his hair back in a nervous gesture that JJ knew well. Anytime Hotch put his sights on Reid the young genius was bound to be a bit flustered.

"15 maybe 25 people tops."

"Great. Wheels up in 20 minutes we're going to UCLA to see if we can find any viable subjects." Hotch left the room to collect the necessary equipment to both take down and surveil any suspects the team may come across.

JJ looked wistfully out the car window as the team pulled into the UCLA campus and thought about her college days. After Horizon she had been accepted into Penn State on a scholarship but not for soccer like the team thought. Yes she had been on the varsity squad and later on in her college career received funds for her athleticism but first she had been on the Peter Scarborough Scholarship for teens that actually made it out of Horizon and got into college. She was one of the first recipients. Both she, Kat and Daisy had been selected after each aced the SAT's and got into a post secondary institution. The guys took a couple extra years to get on with their lives and after a few years when she had transitioned from Shelby to JJ she had stopped checking up on them.

It was better to make a clean break from that life; if she kept going back to it JJ would be a façade only and not who she was marrow and all.

Pulling up the building that housed both Classics and Anthropology JJ slipped back into FBI mode and shrugged away the nostalgia that had threatened to overwhelm her. Walking through the marble and wood hallways it seemed that the whole team was ready for a confrontation.

Hotch approached the department secretary and id himself asking to interview each graduate student individually – only the male ones that fit the unsubs description.

Looking up at him unperturbed as if teams of FBI agents regularly came into the office she replied that there were only 3 students who fit that description. Giving Hotch their names and office numbers as well as schedules she turned back to the computer waving the team through into sanctum sanctorum of the Classics Department to, hopefully, catch a murderer.

Their first interviewee was obviously a bust. He was married with several children and was present at inter-departmental meetings during two of the attacks. And he was an admitted Latinist with little to no knowledge of Ancient Greek prostitution or any literature referring to it.

The second interview went hardly better with the suspect denying all knowledge and giving a fairly credible alibi. JJ was starting to feel that this was a huge mistake and maybe she would be better off just going back to the station to pick through reports when Garcia hit pay dirt.

Calling from Quantico Morgan put her on speaker;

"Allrighty folks I may have some interesting info for you on bachelor number three Marc Vaillens. A recent inductee into girlfriend batterer of the century he was cited a few nights ago for suspicious behaviour in the general area where the second victim was killed. He is also doing his masters on Ancient Greek Prostitution. This guy has the means, motive and apparently vicious temper to massacre those poor girls."

"Do you have an address for this guy Garcia?"

"Yup, I'll beam it your way in a flash Captain."

"Thanks, baby girl." Morgan said as he hung up the phone.

Hotch knew that Vaillens would not be at home this early in the day and from looking at his schedule the suspect was due to teach a tutorial across campus in 10 minutes.

"JJ, Rossi you're with me. Prentiss you, Morgan and Reid go over to his house see if you can dig up anything while we ask him a few questions."

With that the team split into two groups and Hotch, Rossi and JJ drove over to the building the tutorial was scheduled in to pick up their suspected unsub and ask him a few carefully chosen questions to try and tie him to the murders.

JJ noticed the smell first. Older university buildings always seemed to smell like cleaner, sweat and the untranslatable odor of youth. Walking past room after room of wooden desks and bad lighting she smiled in spite of herself college was one of the only places she felt free. After becoming JJ and leaving the shattered remnants of Shelby's life behind her Penn State soccer and her academic classes had begun the process of healing her broken heart and soul.

Entering the tutorial room she was struck by how normal Marc seemed. He wasn't the typical psychopath holed up in an apartment surrounded by pockmarked walls and pictures of his victim's mutilated bodies. He was teaching, with an enthusiastic response at that, a room of 19 year olds about 5th Century Athenian history.

Looking up he narrowed his eyes but kept his manner congenial.

"Can I help you?" He asked crossing the room to where the three agents stood.

Rossi held out his badge "I am agent Rossi with the FBI; this is SSA Hotchner and Agent Jareau. We just have a few questions for you – please step outside for a few moments."

Marc turned back to his class "Keep reading chapter three and I'll be right back."

Leaving the room and heading into the empty corridor he asked what the agents wanted.

"We need to know your whereabouts from 8 pm to midnight two days ago." Hotch replied.

"I was grading papers and I went to bed at about 11:00."

"Can anyone corroborate that?" JJ asked, her anger colouring her words.

"No, I live alone. Now if you don't mind I have to prepare my class for a test next week."

"Don't leave town. If you think of anyone who can confirm your whereabouts please call me." Rossi replied handing Marc his business card.

They left and headed back to the precinct. JJ was furious and turning to Hotch who was driving she said;

"Hotch that was him. We let that fucking psycho stay and teach a bunch of kids. We should have arrested him!"

Hotch turned to her with an icy stare "JJ we had nothing to arrest on. We all know it's him but we have to prove it."

"He's just going to kill again! DO we have to wait for another carved up corpse to arrive on our doorstep before we arrest him?!"

"JJ, I need you to be professional about this. I know this upsets you but we have to do it by the books or he walks." He said in a more gentle tone wondering all the while why this case of all cases was upsetting the media liaison so much.

She turned to him with tears in her eyes and replied, "Just because they're prostitutes and drug addicts doesn't mean they deserve to die Hotch."

"We know that JJ. That's not what we're saying …" Rossi said from the back putting a hand on her shoulder.

"No, of course, it isn't what you're saying but it's what everyone's thinking." She shut the door of the car and went into the precinct commandeering a desk for herself. Slipping on her ipod she spent the next few hours going through paperwork and finishing reports before heading back to the hotel with Emily.

Studiously avoiding Hotch she waited until well past 1 am when she went round to the corner store and bought a pack of Marlboros. If now wasn't the time for a cigarette she didn't know what was.

Sitting by the pool she rolled up her pant legs and dipped her feet in the cool water, it was almost like sitting on the dock by the canoe sheds at Horizon and having her illicit smoking breaks. This one however was not going to be broken up by Peter, Hannah or Sophie forcing her to throw out her last pack of cigarettes or matches.

Lighting up and inhaling the smoke was instantly calming and JJ could feel the stress of the day ebbing with her first nicotine fix in over 6 years.

Replaying the days events she felt guilt over how she had treated Hotch and Rossi in the car but just couldn't shake her anger that some fuckwit with a knife was going to roam the streets and kill more girls because they didn't have the evidence to arrest him. Emily, Morgan and Reid's drop by his house had yielded similar results and they were still trying to contact the next door neighbour to ask about any suspicious activity.

JJ was so involved in her cigarettes and memories that she didn't even hear the approaching footsteps.

"I didn't know you smoked JJ." Hotch quietly sitting down beside her.

"Shit Hotch, I didn't even hear you." She replied stubbing out her butt and tapping the pack for another one. Inhaling and exhaling slowly she closed her eyes for a moment, "I haven't smoked for over 6 years. Today just felt like a good day to start again."

Hotch sighed and for the first time really wondered what was going on with his normally straight-laced and squeaky clean media liaison.

"JJ, I am worried about you. This case has really gotten to you. Being emotional unattached during a case …"

"Is imperative." She interrupted, I know Hotch. I just can't stand what he's doing to them. They don't deserve it and he's going to get away with it until we stop him. More girls are going to end up dead."

"We'll get him JJ. I promise you that." He squeezed her shoulder and went back up to his room to ponder the sudden change in her behaviour.

With a sardonic smile JJ looked up at the moon and lifted her cigarette saying, "yeah Sophie, I sure am getting high on life right now."

Slipping the pack of smokes into her pocket she went back up to her room and fell into bed hoping that tomorrow would bring change and, most importantly, an arrest.

On the other side of town Morgan and Detective Martin's stakeout of Marc Vaillens was finally getting interesting. The suspect had driven into a well known hot spot for prostitution and was cruising around seemingly unaware of the tail Pulling over he beckoned to a tall, slim blonde in a pink mini skirt and as she climbed into the car

Morgan turned to the Detective as they discreetly began to follow the car with the university crest on the back windshield once more and said;

"Show time. Let's catch this bastard."


	5. Chapter 5

_I have absolutely no good reason as for why I have not updated this story in forever and a day, but I am hoping to spin out some chapters over my Christmas so I can update it more regularly. _

_Huge thanks to IrigD and CNovak929 … thanks for pushing me to type another chapter!_

The Attic Hydria: Chapter Five

Detective Martin and Morgan carefully followed Marc Vaillens to a secluded part of the red light district. Watching as he and the blonde pulled over into a dark lot behind a shuttered warehouse.

"If she so much as whimpers we are on his ass." Morgan said, gazing intently at the vehicle.

"Agreed. I will not allow this bastard to murder again." Detective Martin replied. He wiped sweat from his brow and adjusted the gun holstered on his right hip. Both men were ready for any eventuality whether it meant an arrest, talking the unsub down from another murder, or killed the suspect before he could kill again.

Inside the car the mood wasn't any better than in the disguised squad car. Despite her best efforts the pro couldn't make anything happen and her john was getting more impatient. Marc glared at the girl blaming her for his own inadequacy. Grabbing her by the wrists he abruptly pushed her into the door frame and punched her.

Reeling from the heavy blow she couldn't even scream out before his hands reached around her neck crushing her windpipe.

"You are nothing but a common whore, even Nero wouldn't have his way with you. Dirty, filthy whore." Marc spat into her face as he looked into her fear stricken eyes.

Calling for back up and an ambulance, Morgan and Detective Martin lurched forward as the obvious sounds of a struggle filtered to their car, nodding at one another the quickly exited and ran to the unsubs car guns drawn and stances wary. At the sound of punches and the quick stop to the girls screaming they surmised what had happened and in a split second Morgan had the driers side door open and Marc Vaillens on the ground.

Cuffing him and briskly escorting the man into the back of the car while back up continued to arrive, late as usual, the detective ushered the bruised and battered young woman into an ambulance that had just pulled up. Assuring her that there would be no soliciting charges pressed she lay down on the gurney and was rushed to the hospital.

The car ride back to the station was uneventful as the unsub simply glared at Morgan and Detective Martin periodically spouting some hateful nonsense about prostitutes as the root of all evil in the world. Pulling into the station the men were greeted by the rest of the BAU, including one very angry JJ, and they led Marc Vaillens into an interrogation roomed to be grilled by a combined team of Hotchner and Prentiss.

JJ watched the interview from behind the two way mirror. Standing beside the other members of her team she never felt more alone. Not when she ran away nor when she was on a solo in the mountains. This was an internal, mental sense of solitude that no one on the team could touch. They would never understand what she had gone through or even sympathize at what this monster meant to her. He was the devil in her nightmares, the one scenario that during her life on the streets had kept her high or drunk most the time. He had driven her and Patty together and that life had killed her friend. JJ knew that all this negative reminiscing was getting her nowhere but the urge to leap through the glass and throttle the unsub with her two bare hands was strong.

She knew that to make any sort of similar gesture would make the team, especially Hotch worry about her even more and she couldn't take that kind of a risk. She had to keep being JJ and remind herself that Shelby was dead and gone. For seven years she had kept up a pretense and she was not going to shatter that now, no matter how much she wanted to kill Marc Vaillens.

But her self control was hanging by a thread as the interview became even more heated.

Hotch threw photographs of the previous mutilated victims down on the counter. Marc looked at them with a casual disregard but Hotch knew that inside he had a fascination to see his handiwork, one more time. To relive the nights he had demeaned and degraded these girls before he had taken their lives.

"Did you or did you not murder and mutilate these women?" Hotch asked.

"I did nothing that they did not already deserve; they were nothing but sin in bodily form."

"I find it hard to believe that a nebbish guy like you could dig up the guts to carve these women." Prentiss replied, sauntering around to the other side of the table. Subtly emasculating the unsub with a gesture. He was silent.

Hotch pulled out a thick sheaf of paper and some black and white photo graphs, laying them on the table the unsub began to sweat as he looked at a less graphic demonstration of his obsession with prostitutes. The title of the thesis was _Images of the Prostitute in Archaic Attic Pottery: The Fallen Woman as an Archetype._ Within the pages was a finely argued and researched argument that painted 5th century Athenian women as nothing but common street whores whose deeds sullied the men who engaged their services. Despite overwhelming scholarship that prostitution was a sanctioned practice Marc Vaillens argued that it began to demoralize women in a downward trend that spiraled and affected even today's current crop of ladies of the night.

"In this you argue a lot of interesting points Mr. Vaillens. In fact your supervisor said that this is the fourth draft that you have submitted and she is still not satisfied with the extremely harsh treatment of prostitutes within its pages. Apparently you are putting a modern contextualization on an ancient custom. The women on these two vases are not labeled as prostitutes so how would you dare to suggest they are?" Prentiss inquired shifting the black and white photo graphs of the attic hydria in question in front of the suspect.

"It is quite easy to tell that they are Hetaira from their mode of dress and proximity to the men in the scenes. These are painted on a hydria, a water jar, they were used by women when they left the house to go collect water. This was a strictly regulated practice because normally they would be kept at home, within the oikos in the gynakeon. No self respecting Athenian women would join in a male symposium. Not like those whores today. They disrespect themselves and all those around them when they flaunt themselves." He replied absently caressing the photos and putting a protective hand on the manuscript.

"So, you're admitting that you think prostitutes deserve to be punished?" Hotch asked.

"They deserved every thing I did to them and more, the indignity ravaged upon their bodies is something you can never even dream of!" The unsub replied, eyes blazing and espousing forth like a preacher on the mount.

"So you admit that you killed them, and injured your first victim"

Vaillens glared at both Prentiss and Hotch, with a smear coating his face and a mad look in his eyes he said;

"I killed them, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. Those pieces of trash deserved to die. And they deserved to be named for all to see as what they truly were."

Detective Martin and a deputy came into the interrogation room and arrested Vaillens, Cuffing him they read him his rights and took him to a holding cell to be processed in the morning.

Hotch and Prentiss gave each other a triumphant look as they left the room. Soon the team would meet to debrief the squad and gather their case files before getting back and on the jet and heading back to Quantico.

Meanwhile, JJ's anger had emerged as full blown rage as the unsub had continued his tirade outside of the interrogation room about the evils of prostitution. No one knew the true depths of despair that one had to sink before considering selling one's body. She had been on the streets for months before she had decided that she needed food and a fix so badly that she would do anything to get the hit. She sold her body for money to strangers. She was those girls that he had murdered

JJ needed to get out of there, out of that room and the building. She desperately needed a smoke and could feel the pull of the small package secreted in her bag. Making a feeble excuse to the others about needing some air she slipped outside and pulled out the cigarette box. Slipping one out she lit it and inhaled. The smoke filled her lungs and the smell of it made her smile. This was the friend she missed, she refused to touch hard drugs again so smoking tobacco was the only avenue left since drinking while on duty was strictly verboten.

Stubbing out the first and lighting a second she leaned against the brick wall and let her cares melt away in a vaporous white fog, drifting up and out, being set free to wheel about in the universe and stop plaguing her mind with self doubt and lingering memories of her former incarnation.

Hotch noticed that JJ was no where to be found and asked Reid if he knew where she was. Reid replied that she had gone out side for some air and had look a bit green around the gills after listening to the unsubs tirade. Hotch listened to the steel gut that had rarely read a situation incorrectly, with the gross oversight of Haley, and he went after his slowly crumbling media liaison. He found her leaning against a brick wall and seemingly blissful with a cigarette perched expertly out of the corner of her mouth. Wringing his hands he debated whether or nor to call out to her but decided on the latter. She needed her time and when she was ready she would tell him what was going on but he hoped that unlike Elle she would do so before she snapped and injured or killed someone or herself.

But before he could turn back she called out to him unexpectedly.

"Hotch, I know your there. I can sense a brood a thousand miles away."

"JJ … I was just coming to tell you that we are debriefing in 10 minutes."

"You were checking up on me, well don't worry commandant I'm fine. I just needed a breather."

"And that involves smoking? JJ what has gotten into you in the last couple days?" He asked her with a concerned tone.

"Leave it Hotch, there's nothing you can do for someone who's already broken. Just let me finish this and I'll come inside. Five minutes." JJ replied bruskly, motioning for him to go back inside with her free hand.

Going back inside Hotch couldn't help but wonder at her last statement. He had never thought of JJ s anything even close to broken. To him she was the light and center of the team, the one who kept them going and dealt with the public and the police long after everyone else had lost the patience for it. He wondered why this case and this locale rattled her so much. But time was of short supply and they all craved a warm shower and food in their respective homes back in Langley. So he filed this conversation away for review at a latter time as he walked into the conference room the BAU had been loaned with JJ following a few minutes later.

Later on the plane JJ wondered at her choice of words as well, she was slipping and could not afford to do so. She had built a life and meant to keep it. But as they climbed altitude and she slipped off into a restless slumber she wished that she could sneak into the washroom and smoke, or do a line, or consume anything that would get her mind off of the memories that the case had brought up.

In her reverie she did not notice Hotch's concerned countenance or that his thoughts were consumed as well by concern over her well being.


	6. Chapter 6

_Once again a big shout-out to IrigD_.

The Attic Hydria: Chapter 6

JJ got off the jet and into her car at Quantico as quickly as she could, eager to return home and jump back into her daily routine and away from the painful memories that resurfaced during the case in San Diego.

Arriving at her modest, but comfortable, home she hopped in the shower and attempted to wash the last few days off her body and out of her mind. Ash she stood under the hot torrent she began to feel like she had all those years ago – no matter how many showers she took, how hard she scrubbed the men would never get off her. She would always be dirty and damaged. It was one of the reasons she became Jennifer Jareau after Horizon, she needed to feel that the taint of her life as Shelby Merrick had dissipated. And for a long time she truly believed it had, she found her self forgetting the drugs and living like a normal person.

But as the last few days had brought to life she would never be free of that time and no matter how hard a lid she kept on her past at the most inopportune time it would leak out and invade the pristine life she had created for herself.

Shutting off the water and taking the time to carefully blow-dry and brush her long her JJ walked around her apartment in a pink bathrobe. She ran her fingers along the bookshelves in the living room stopping over one in particular. Her father had given her just for today when he had first picked her up off the streets and despite the fact that she in now way conformed to the philosophy, having decided that she wanted to be a lone wolf in her own recovery, _Just For Today _had ended up being oddly insightful. Opening the small book she drew out a group photo. It was the cliffhangers, taken right after Kat had successfully attached her flag at the top of the mountain. Running her thumb across it JJ fondly rememberd her sense of pride and happiness that day and how safe she had felt in the embrace of her group.

Smiling as she looked at the rugged and open face that belonged to Peter Scarborough JJ wondered what he was up to. She had not activly contacted anyone from Horizon in over 6 years and for the first time in a long time began to ponder a reunion with them. Laughing at the absurdity of the idea she put the book back in its place on the bottom shelf and went to the kitchen to make a snack.

A few weeks later and life at the BAU was getting back to normal. Her desk was still piled daily with reports from across the country of horrifically brutal crimes and she made many phonecalls to exasperated police chiefs explaining way or why not the BAU could come and help them and expressing her sympathy at the plight of the victims and their familes. Everything appeared to be back to normal in the sunny life of JJ but under the carefully applied make up and gleaming blonde hair something was amiss,

She had woken up during many nights from half-remembered nightmares and once or twice had found herself driving down unlit alleys and scouring seedy areas looking for god-knows-what .. but the truth was she knew aht she was looking for. And as she looked into the haggard and drawn faces of the working girls and the shark-cold glares of the dealers on the street corners she came to an awful realization about her nightly patterns.

That afternoon she sat down at her computer and googled a meeting that she never thought she would go to. She couldn't do this alone anymore, but at the same time she did not want to involve the department or anyone on her team. She had spent too long keeping up the pretence of a childhood unmired in any sort of deviant or tourtured behaviour.

But on the plane back from San Diego the craving for oblivion had struck her and gripped her soul in its talons. Unlike 9 years ago JJ knew that she did not have to nor did she want to ever touch drugs again, but it felt to her like she needed to talk about it and there was only one place she knew to go.

Parking her car in the lot of a white church she turned off the engine and put her head in her hands, willing herself to go in the doors and stop her past from reasserting itself. Taking a deep breath she got out and walked into the vestibule. This was a Narcotics Anonymous meeting for law enforcement personelle and she knew that even if she saw someone who vaguely recognized her they would be bound nhot to repeat anything said or even that they saw her.

The church basement was typcal, bland and beige with rows of hard metal seats but the room they were in had windows and a large amount of people within, between 20-30 were present. Looking around she took an inconspicuous seat in the middle of the fifth row of seats and took a furitive look around. Drawing a deep sigh of relief that she didn't recognise anyone she paitently waited for the meeting to begin, not noticing that just after the opening mantra a familiar man hurried into the room and sat in the last row running a thin hand through already mussed hair.

As the affirmations wound to a close and people began to relate stories of feeling tested by their addiction JJ close her eyes and raised her own hand. The moderator gestured for her to begin and she began to speak;

"Hi, um my name is J – Shelby and this is my first meeting ever." People nodded silent greetngs her way and she continued, "I have been clean for almost 9 years." Again the clapping of approval.

"But lately I have felt really tempted to use again. At work we had a case that hit really close to home and it just brought back all these feelings and memories. I've been having some dreams and found myself driving around looking for a fix."

She took another breath and steadied her nerves, "I haven't bought anything or used but it's been hard and I am hoping that by coming heere tonight to gain some strength to stay clean both from telling my struggles and listening to your success. Um, thanks" She gave a smal smile and sat down recieveing a pat on her shoulder from a woman beside her and an older man sitting in the row behind her.

She thanked them for their support and went back to attentively listening to the other addicts.

Meanwhile Spencer Reid was rocked by what he had just heard. He was there because about once a month or after a particularily trying case when he felt the allure of the Dilauded she liked to go to meetings and be remined about what he was giving up and gain fortitude from the other addicts. But he had absolutely no idea that JJ had been one, and from the sounds of it something much more 'hardcore' than what he himself had become involved in.

Reid knew that anything said in the meeting was said in confidence but he was flabbergasted at her revelations. The fact that she had gone out at night and driven around to the worst neighbourhoods to even think about buying drugs was crazy in his mind, and if someone had suggsted it even an hour ago he would have said they were crazy. Despite his concerns about JJ during the Vaillens case Reid had never suspected that she had gone down a dark path similar t the girls that they had interviewed and who had died.

After the meeting JJ got up, feeling better than she had in weeks, and grabbed a up of coffee to go. Walking across the parking lot she noticed a familiar figure leaning on her car door and felt her momentary calm shatter. Reaching the vehicle she looked up at Reid with trepidation.

"Hey Reid." She said quietly, hoping he wouldn't say anything.

"Hey JJ … or should I call you Shelby? I-I'm surprised to see you here, I assumed I was the only agent with a drug problem in our unit." He replied not wanting to confront her but genuniely curious about her life.

"Spence, I'm not really a BAU agent." She replied with a smirk.

"JJ, you are as much as any of us. What are you doing here? I heard what you said, I didn't know you were an addict."

"It was a long time ago." She was desperate to get in the car and leave and forget this ever happened – that Spencer had ever found out about her duplicity,

"9 years you said, congratulations to being clean for so long . Did know that statistically .."

"I don't need sats Reid, I know first hand the way most junkies go." JJ remembered Patsy and finding the corpse of her best friend. Leaving the body an anonymous girl just like her friend wanted. A crack in her armour appeared as a tear made it's way down her face.

"What was it JJ coke, meth .. heroin?" Reid's voice trembled as he said the names.

"Spence, I don't want to get into it. Let's just say it was shit much worse than Dilauded. I was fucked up but now I am over it." She replied harshly jerking open her door and getting in the car. Seeing for the first times Reid's jalopy parked a few spaces over.

"It didn't seem that way from what you said. If you ever need to talk I'm here for you – we all are. Don't shut us out like Elle. Don't end up like she did, let me in, let the team in – we'll understand." He implored her.

"No one can understand Spence, you have no idea what my life was like. I am nothing like Elle, I am not a time bomb waiting to go off, I can handle this without you guys and I would appreciate it if you didn't mention any of this." She spat at him through the open window of the drivers side.

"It's all confidential JJ, I won't tell them. But you might be surprised at what the team will understand. Don't forget Morgan in Chicago, he thought that his molestation being exposed would forever taint his repuation in our eyes, but it didn't. If anything we all grew closer."

"ha," JJ's laugh was like broken glass. Looking at Reid with his puppy dog eyes and melancholy expression just begging her to repent and confess her sins JJ reacted like she always did – become defensive and hide it all away. "Morgan's life was a fucking walk in the park compared to mine Reid. I'll see you on Monday – just forget this ever happened."

JJ drove away without looking back at Reid who hung his head. If whatever had ahppened to JJ was bad, so bad that even Morgan's molestation was like a day at the zoo, he was sure that she would need the teams help to find closure on it. He knew he couldn't betray her confidences within the meeting but the parking lot was fair game – yet he also did not want to destroy their fragile friendship. Getting into his car he became determined to keep a lookout for JJ and help her, even if she didn't like his methods or who he called in as back up.


	7. Chapter 7

_Again a huge shout out to CNovak and IrigD who always remind me to come back to this fic in the midst of my crazy schoolin'._

The Attic Hydria: Chapter 7

Weeks went by and JJ felt her mental burdens begin to lift, atleast at work. Even though she had felt exposed and vulnerable by Reid's discovery of her at the NA meeting it has turned out to be for the best. While they never talked about drugs or their experiences with them the two had found their way to an easy camaraderie and everyone at the B.A.U began to see the old carefree JJ come back to the surface.

JJ herself also felt that she could again be the sunny and loveable media liaison that the team had become accustomed to during their years working together, but she had realized that she could not bury her demons and expect them to stay that way again. She could keep them from the team but they had to be acknowledged, if only to herself.

Yet it seemed that as soon as happiness encroached on her world another horrific crime would come through the fax machine in her office and the B.A.U would go to another non-descript town and catch a brutal murderer. Those times when they didn't catch the unsub in time and more victims piled up before an arrest were the worst for JJ. Her sense of ineptitude and responsibility for the victims and their families seeped into her work regime again. This time she was quick to castigate herself for the empathy she was feeling and remembered Hotch's words about empathy being a positive but not letting it overwhelm you. Even though this did not always work and there were days that she was sharp with her colleagues JJ held it together better than she had in the past.

One Tuesday, about a month after her clandestine NA meeting, JJ sat in her office brooding about their latest case. She had antagonized the unsub in a televised press conference on the advice of her superiors and he had killed his fifth victim before they had forced their way into his underground torture chamber. Logically JJ knew it was not her fault but it still gnawed at the edges of her thoughts and whittled away the minute self-confidence that she had regained during the past few months after the Vaillens case.

Sighing she got up from her desk and surveyed her office. Usually clutter marred every surface but she had cleaned and organized everything in a futile attempt to keep her minds busy for a few hours that day. Grabbing her purse she locked her door and went into the bullpen to say goodnight to her colleagues.

Looking across the room she saw them in the break room. Emily was laughing at an off-colour joke that Garcia had just made and Reid was having a seemingly intense conversation with Morgan about the ratio of red to yellow m&m's in a package. Sighing JJ turned and walked back out into the hallway and went to her car, she just didn't feel like human interaction. Wanting to be alone she quickly drove out of Langley and to her home.

Meanwhile Hotch and Rossi had been quietly discussing the day's events on the upper gangway outside of their offices. Glancing down at his fellow agents Hotch spied JJ turning away from the raucous laughter of Emily and Garcia and, with a slump to her shoulders, leave the room. Turning to Rossi he said;

"Dave, I'm worried about JJ."

"I've notced that she's been distant and withdrawn lately. I had chalked it up to losing that girl in Indiana but …" Rossi trailed off thinking back on the behaviour of the previously sunny JJ in the last few months.

"I know Dave; she's been different since San Diego. I caught her smoking at the hotel and she yelled at me. I thought that it was the stress of the mounting victim count but her behaviour progressed beyond that case. It's been better since she and Reid started talking again but I get the impression that there is more to our media liaison than meets the eye. She seems like she's silently self-destructing and I can't figure out what to do." Hotch replied gesturing for Rossi to follow him back into his office. "I just can't help but think that this is a repeat of Elle. I failed her and I can't fail JJ …"

"Hotch, you need to talk to JJ. Let her know what you've been thinking. Try to get her to see that psychologist. Lord knows that man helped me after I lost my third wife to this unit. JJ needs to talk to someone, if she won't your going to have to go to Strauss. I hate that woman with ever fiber of my being but if JJ's personal issues affect her work, and they are going to, she's going to find out and then JJ'll be in a whole heap load more trouble than if you take her to task quietly first."

Hotch grabbed his coat and briefcase and put his hand on Rossi's shoulder ina small gesture of thanks. He waved a quick goodnight to the rest of the team gathered below and turned back to Rossi.

"You're right Dave; I can't let this get too far. I should have talked to her in San Diego when I first noticed she was having issues separating the case from everything else that was going on."

Dave gave him some words of encouragement and went back to his office to puzzle over the enigma that was Jennifer Jareau. If even Hotch had noticed that she was struggling, and the man had an emotional I.Q. of zero, JJ would be dealing with something pretty big and David Rossi prided himself on knowing his colleagues problems before even they did.

Meanwhile, J had gotten home and kicked off her shoes. Despite her appearance at work of new and improved cleanliness and order inside her home it was a different matter. Making her way upstairs she changed into some old sweats and waded through the black hole of mess that was her living room to get a glass of water from the kitchen. Grabbing her smokes off the counter she carefully made her way into the living room and sat down to watch a movie. Half an hour, and 3 cigarettes later, she was contemplating the tumbler of rum she had in front of her beside the healthy, inoffensive cup of water. She decided that she needed the forgetfulness of rum more than the thirst quenching properties of the water and took a swig.

15 minutes after that the buzzer beside her front door went off. JJ was curious; she never had visitors especially this late at night on a workday or frankly ever. She preferred to keep her work and home life separate and had always gone out to dinner or over to Garcia's if she had a night out planned. Stubbing out her lit cigarette on a glass ashtray she made her way to the intercom.

"Hello?"

"JJ, its Hotch … can I come up?"

JJ just stared at the intercom for a long moment and briefly considered that she was having some sort of hallucination before finally deducing that her boss was in fact in her lobby and asking to come up to her apartment.

"Hotch, I-I don't really know if it's the best time …"

"It'll just take a minute JJ."

Sighing and looking back at the catastrophe of epic proportions that was her apartment JJ pushed the button to let Hotch into the building proper. She spent the next 5 minutes hastily throwing all the left over containers, empty water bottles, beer cans and magazines into the kitchen sink and waste bin. Hearing the hesitant knock on her door she took a deep breathe and opened it.

Outside her door was, no surprise, a stern looking Special Agent Aaron Hotchner. She did not motion him in but crossed her arms and gave him a hard stare.

"What can I do for you Hotch? Do we have a case?"

Hotch just looked at his stern, bedraggled co-worker. Her hair was limp and hastily brushed into a ponytail. She was in loose grey sweats, and from the brief look, and smell, of her apartment things were not much better inside.

"JJ, can I come in? I need to speak with you I – I'm concerned about you."

JJ looked at him askance, "If your concern is going to manifest in another lecture about my habits, no thanks Hotch. Seriously, unless this intervention is work related I am going to say goodnight and see you tomorrow."

JJ moved to shut the door and Hotch reached out and caught it.

"JJ either speak to me or the unit psychologist."

"Is that a threat? Hotch, I have been nothing but professional at work. I come in on time, I do my work, I pick cases, make travel arrangements, deal with the families. I haven't had any complaints from local law enforcement. What I do in my own time is my own business."

"JJ, it's your business until it begins to interfere with the team and it has been. Your interactions are kept to a minimum, you don't even try to talk on the plane. The only person you make any meaningful contact with is Reid … I am worried about you. Ever since San Diego …" Hotch stopped not daring to utter what JJ knew was coming. She was different since the case that exposed the blackened soul held within her broken body that glimmered on the surface but was decaying on the inside.

"Hotch, I just have some personal stuff going on. But I am dealing with it, alone. It's just my way, I don't need help from anyone. I never have and I never will. And I am not going to talk to a shrink, nothing good ever comes of spilling your secrets to an absolute stranger, it just makes them harder to forget and move on from."

Running a hand through her hair and loosening it from it's holder she shook her head and looked up at Hotch.

"I appreciate your concern, I really do, but my issues are my own and I like them kept that way. If I wanted to talk about them I would, but I don't. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

With that she shut the door and sat down on her couch again. Hotch stood for a few moments. He had tried to reach out to the young woman and she had rebuffed him again, like she had in San Diego … He was not going to push this away like he had with Reid's drug problem, and Elle's mental anguish. This time he had reached out and made the first move, if she wanted to talk to him he had made an opening, started a dialogue and he would keep trying until she opened up. Walking back to his car he looked up at her illuminated window and wondered, as Rossi had earlier albeit unbeknownst to him, what JJ was hiding and what she was determined to keep hidden from the world.

JJ looked around at her apartment and took in, for the first time in weeks, the detritus she had surrounded herself with. With a determined looked, and buoyed by Hotch's sudden concern for her well being, she set to work cleaning up the crap that had amassed on every flat surface. Cleaning away the guilt and memories that haunted her every waking moment.

A few hours later her microwave clock was blinking 2 am and she was finishing up washing the third ashtray of the evening. Her counters and table were clean, she had new sheets on the bed and had showered. Putting the ashtray in the dish rack she yawned and fell into bed, she had to be up awake and at Quantico in five hours. It was a good thing that all those late nights and early mornings at Horizon had taught her body to manage on less than four hours of sleep.

JJ pulled into the B.A.U the next morning with a cup of coffee in her hand, savouring her first scalding sip of the day she walked into her office and looked at the pile of faxed requests for the B.A.U's help that had already been piled on her desk and in the tray of her fax machine. Picking them up she looked through them and was cataloging them by immediacy an hour before anyone else would arrive in the unit.

At 8:30 am the other members of her team began to arrive. Switching into information mode she took the last swig of her coffee and chucked it into the bin outside her office. Walking down the corridor she motioned them into the conference room and shot Hotch a bright smile. Turning on her laptop and loading up the horrific images that would shadow their investigation she began to debrief them.

"Good morning everyone, we've got a case in Seattle. Someone has been killing and dumping the bodies of women around public monuments. So far there has been 12 killings, spread out over an area of about 10 square miles." She paused and clicked through a series of grisly crime scenes photographs.

"Why weren't we called in before this?" Emily asked, taking notes and drinking her own cup of black coffee.

"The local PD didn't connect the bodies until recently, the killings have been spread out over 10 years and different detectives worked them so no correlation was made until a new detective started going through cold cases and connecting the dots. Then last week another body showed up. Wheels up in 20, I've sent the pertinent information to your pda's so you'll have plenty of reading on the plane."

"Are there any other links between the bodies except for the dump sites?" Morgan asked examining the pictures closer.

"The only other link was that they were all recovering drug addicts." JJ looked at Reid and for a brief moment wanted to just blurt out her secret and expose herself to the team just like those bodies had been exposed to the elements. Gathering herself she pushed those thoughts back and gathered up her files.

"You heard her everyone, grab your ready bags." Hotch rose and went to his office to collect his bags and his thoughts.

Read, Morgan, Rossi and Emily were ready to go in a matter of moments and the team went to the plane, prepared to battle another day against a foe whose weapon was fear and whose intended victim was vulnerable and unaware of the predator waiting in the shadows.

On the plane JJ sat by herself, listening to her ipod and reading the most recent case file trying to get an idea about the kind of press release she could generate for the local media. Reid walked to the back of the plane and sat down next to her offering forth a bottle of water and a bag of trail mix. JJ smiled and asked him;

"Anything stronger Spence?"

"Nope, you'll have to survive on water. I'm afraid the mini bar on the plane is dry." He smiled in return and watched closely as she drank the water and nibbled the dried fruit and nuts.

"It's important to keep hydrated at this altitude, plus the protein in the trail mix is excellent for maintaining stamina and mental acuity."

Drawing her blanket closer around her JJ looked at the other occupants of the plane. Everyone was either reading or sleeping, taking a final rest before the restless nights that were sure to follow in Seattle. Turing to Reid she lowered her voice,

"Spence, their only link is that they all were recovering drug addicts. Do you think someone is infiltrating meetings or something to try and choose a victim?"

"I don't know JJ, it's plausible." He gave her another bottle of water and took a sip of his tea.

"I know that when I was using I was ridiculously paranoid. I mean meth and coke will do that to a person, but after I stopped cold turkey I was still suspicious and not trusting of anyone. I thought that everyone was out to use me for whatever they could get. I don't know how the unsub could have lured these women and killed them, they should have been paranoid as hell and not drawn in by the false charms of some strange guy."

Reid was left reeling by what JJ had inadvertently told him, she had been using methamphetamine and cocaine. She had told him subtly that her drug problem was long-lasting and serious, she had bought it on the streets and god knew what it could have been laced with or what she had done to procur it. Taking his errant thoughts in hand he ploughed on with his assessment of the crime.

"JJ, think about it. You go to meetings, you trust the people in that room with your darkest secrets and feeling." She nodded and a curtain of hair shielded her from him. Reid pressed on, "The unsub is likely a charming, well-adjusted person who insinuates himself in their lives and gains their trust. Even the most hardened addicts will look for solace and comfort when they are trying to kick the habit."

JJ nodded, the victims weren't like her – never trusting anyone, hard, cold. Until Peter and that night in the woods with the other cliffhangers she had never told anyone about her ordeals on the streets. She wasn't going to do so now, but she knew that she and Reid had reached the point of no return and she had confided in him a small portion of her past, in some ways the least damaging part of it.

She put down the case file, "Spence, thanks for listening to me. I know I'm not a profiler but I think I could have some insight into how these women were thinking. Just, please, don't let anyone else know. Hotch is already on my case about getting overly involved emotionally in the cases."

"Don't worry JJ, your secret's safe with me."

She smiled and put her head on a pillow and lapsed into a, thankfully, dreamless sleep.

Reid had sat back down in his seat and also lay his head down, they still had a couple hours until they got to the airport and he was determined to catch a few minutes of sleep before the craziness that was sure to ensue as they built a profile to catch the unsub.

All the while Rossi had been quietly surveying the plane as he too prepared to sleep for a few hours. Stretching his arms he managed to catch the tail end of JJ and Reid's conversation. 'What was JJ hiding that she could only tell Reid about and what did it have to do with the strange behaviour she had been manifesting over the last couple of months?'

Rossi was a determined profiler and despite the teams' agreement never to profile each other he talked himself around the rule, after all JJ wasn't a profiler and therefore exempt from the rule. Rossi himself was a very private man and did not relish the idea of prying into the life of the one person on the team he thought harbored no skeletons. But letting his mind race he conceived of a plan to find out what she was hiding, for the good of herself and the team.


End file.
